The time that I was almost popular at the Haven Conference and then my Panini had a hair in it.

I drove six hours today to get to the Haven Conference …BY.MYSELF.

I’m brave like that.

No friends. No meet up times scheduled. Just me and my CONFIDENT self.

Just flying by the seat of my too-tight-white capri’s and feeling pretty good….pretty dang confident.

Until about the fifth hour of my trip.

And on the fifth hour of my trip, the Junior High girl that hides inside of me wanted to be heard.

Let’s call the junior high girl that lives inside of me…..Amy.

AMY is rather insecure.

Upon listening to her for the full fifth hour, Amy had me convinced by the sixth hour, that I was a total loser.

So, by the time that I finally arrived at my destination…..AMY had the CONFIDENT me, in quite the nervous and insecure state.

It was in this nervous and insecure state that I pulled into the Buckhead Grand Hyatt and threw wrinkled one dollar bills into the hands of the valet to park my car. I had intended to ask where guest parking was, but AMY  had made me too self conscious to even ask and she wanted me to pretend I used valet parking all the time……

Amy is an idiot. The valets face told me so.

I avoided any direct eye contact with the valet as he began unfolding my crinkled one dollar bills and ran into the hotel.

Where upon running into the lobby, in my nervous and insecure state, you could NOT miss the hordes of gorgeous and confident “cool girl” bloggers, laughing and talking.

Amy had told me earlier that a situation just like this may happen. And when in an uncomfortable situation…do NOT reach out and try to connect! You could just come out looking like a loser. So, using Amy’s advice, I used my best Jr. High, confident-girl smile, I pulled my too-tight-white capris over my muffin top and we walked right.past.them.

I was safe and gaining my confidence back.

I checked into the hotel and took one flight down to the registration area for Haven.

After leaving the registration area, in my newly confident state, I headed to the elevators to take one floor back up into the “cool” girl area.  I was betting on the fact that there had to be other “inner Jr.High” cool, blogger girls and with one flight back up on the elevator , I could find a few stray “cool girls” and be making a new bloggy friend shortly!

As I turned the corner to the elevator area, I wasn’t expecting to find two, stray “cool girls” , waiting for the elevator with me. CRAP.

It totally threw me off, which made me nervous, which made me start losing my newly re-found confidence, which is why Amy decided to give me some reminders.

Amy reminded me that on my sixth hour of my BRAVE road trip, she had suggested to me that I put on a false bravado act and try to be really funny if I didn’t really know what to say…. because it would probably help me be really popular. So, I started with the two, stray “cool girl” bloggers that were waiting with me at the elevator. And in a feverish, sweaty armpit, Jr. High induced and embarrassed state….I tried to be witty.

Amy is an idiot. The two girls uncomfortable faces and the polite fake laughs told me so.

And after seeing their uncomfortable faces, and the nervous scramble into the waiting elevator as I ran behind them to catch up, I missed pushing my number to go to my destination, which was ONE floor up. I was frantically pushing buttons realizing that the elevator was passing the floor that I needed.

After pounding the elevator buttons, lighting them up like a Christmas tree, AMY just took over. She  said….”Ha, ha, it’s ok….I will just ride up with you”. To which the “cool” girl said…..”No, that would be silly”. AMY argued with the “cool” girl that it would inconvenience them to push one button and let her out. As the cool girls backed themselves into a corner, it all became a sweaty blur and I barely remember looking at the number of the floor in which AMY and I were heading, I just barely remember it was TWENTY-FIVE floors over the floor that I had meant to get out on. During the “blur”, I barely remember them saying that it was really NO bother to let me/us out, and I just barely remember being pushed out on the tenth floor and looking back and seeing my new “cool girl” bloggy friends, with puzzled and concerned faces as the elevator doors closed.

Amy is an idiot. Their scramble to close the elevator doors told me so.

After being let off on the random floor, I talked myself into just heading back to my room and ordering room service.

I could not believe I had allowed Amy so much power and control! I knew better and I gave myself a pep talk to go down to the bar to get my drink, because it was cheaper than ordering through room service. I ignored Amy’s insecure ramblings as I walked confidently into the bar, with my pretty navy sweater, to hide my too-tight-white capris, and smiled at the “cool girl” bloggers that were all grouped together and laughing for cocktails. 

This was silly. I am an ADULT. I am NOT in Jr. High anymore. The “cool” bloggy girls are NOT in Jr. High and AMY was an idiot.

I was done with listening to Amy.

Cute and confident, I stood at the bar as they prepared my drink. And it was with this newly found confidence that I could see someone walking up to me out of the corner of my eye. I breathed a sigh of relief, because I could tell it was a determined and fast clip and knew someone familiar had finally shown up. I turned around with a confident smile, but to an unfamiliar, pretty, “cool girl” blogger, who was placing her sympathetic  hand on my shoulder, as she whispered……

“Your sweater is on inside out.”

You.Have.Got.To.Be.Kidding.

Seriously. The same sweater that was supposed to draw attention away from my too tight white capris.

And although I was thankful that someone had told me……AT THE END OF THE DAY, I retreated to my room.

Where , I ignored Amy’s, “YOU ARE A LOSER” speeches. I was convincing myself that room service was an ADULT luxury and not a “Jr. High insecurity”, dinner situation.

I was NOT a loser.

BUT then my room service, “Panini luxury sandwich”,  had a hair in it.

room service

Amy won.

But tomorrow is a new day.

I expect great things!

Like a “hair” free breakfast, and an AMY free day. I am super excited for several of the sessions! I will share them all with you soon.

Right now, I am hitting the hay…Amyand I are tired.

But I would love to know that I am not the only one with an “inner” Amy

.~tap, tap~

Can anyone relate?

Love,

Me/Us……..

 

 

 

 

Find me here also...

             

Comments

  1. Susan says:

    Who can’t relate? There is an Amy inside each of us. I cringed while reading your post because I am notorious for listening to Amy. She makes me do things so others will laugh. I’ve fallen, had toilet paper caught in my waistband and said what I was thinking instead of the announcement I was saying. No sweat, at least we are still in touch with our inner youth no matter how painful it can be at times. I just laugh at myself, shake off the stress and hold my head high knowing that there is someone out there who’s Amy has stuck tissue to their shoe or lipstick to their teeth!

  2. Jeannine says:

    Today will be better, just wait and see.
    Thanks for sharing what I have certainly felt. Great post!

  3. Mary Ann says:

    I don’t know, Rebecca, to me, you have always been one of the cool girls! It’s nice to know that even a cool girl can have an Amy in her! I hope you’ll write about the conference over the next few days.

  4. AnnaRuth T. Murphy says:

    I am so proud (and a little jealous) of you for going! I wish I was there, I would hang out with you :) …of course I would be the girl feeling too uncool to introduce myself! I kinda felt the same way when I went to Lucketts this year…sometimes it is awkward when the cyber world meets the real one :) …Enjoy your trip, you are worthy and have a lot to offer those other blog girls!

  5. karin says:

    this is the EXACT reason that I have avoided any blogger conferences!! The inner insecure jr higher in me would TOTALLY work myself up into a lather like this! But Thank you OH SO MUCH for letting us inside your brain and showing us that I am sure most of us go through conversations like this in our head! I did burst out laughing while reading with the sweater inside out and the hair. I love how eloquent you are in your writing..so witty and funny! For sure a COOL girl!
    Hugs
    Karin

  6. Oh dear….hope today is better…I totally have an Amy inside me too xoxo

  7. Geneva says:

    oh my. You have spoken to my heart – and have been terribly honest with the world. You have my utmost respect for doing so. We have all felt like this; this is the exact thing that keeps me from jumping with both feet into blogging – ! I think all the girls (and guys) who blog are so confident and self-assured. But you see, at the end of the day, we are all just humans trying to make it, trying to share this experience in life and connect in some way. I am proud of you. Stepping out of the comfort zone is hard. But let me tell you this – reach out to just one person, and smile. I think the conference will go swimmingly from there – you have it all! Personality, humor, and humanness! Go forth and mingle – learn and share. I can’t wait to see your next post. And again, thank you for helping me realize I am not the only one that thinks just like you! Lol.

    g

  8. Jackie says:

    Ouch, Rebecca! You shouldn’t tell people what goes on inside my head every day! And I always thought you were one of the cool girls!

  9. Kathy says:

    Oh my goodness, I AM Amy…
    But look at you, all confident even enough to go to Haven….& I am more than a tad bit jealous of your “guts enough to go”
    Now go meet some great folks, tell us all about it, because you know we are all living vicariously thru you…
    You will be the most popular one there by tonight….. Have fun, can’t wait to read what is next from you…

  10. Cherie says:

    Rebecca, there is an AMY in me too! however, I am so jealous that you are there. Tell all the cool girls Hi from DragonfliezMade. ;-)
    I really need to start blogging again.
    Tomorrow is another day and all will be well!
    Hugs
    C

  11. Sharon C says:

    Oh, do I understand Amy!!! I frequently feel like I really don’t fit in!! Hope you had a better day after that!

  12. Patti says:

    Thank you so much for writing this. It’s only recently that I realized I not only had and Amy but she was running my life. So now, at 47 years of age, I am finally aware of her and am taking back the reigns (if I ever had them at all). It helps to know that other people have Amy Syndrome, too. Big hug to you.

  13. trish says:

    I feel you sister! Know that you are capable, funny, special, and most of all R E A L.

    : )

  14. trish says:

    and yes… my inner Amy is alive and well although I keep telling her to keep it down : )

  15. Hey I just wanted to let Amy know that you have a page rank of 3 and MMS only has a page rank of 4, so there! You are cool and so funny I just peed a little ok a lot in my pants!
    xo,
    Debbie

  16. I’m finally de-lurking to say I adore you – and Amy :)

    We all have an Amy inside of us, but yours is much, much funnier than mine.

  17. You should have ridden with Leo and me! I would have sat on Amy to squelch her!

  18. Paula says:

    Your writing style is AMAZING! You need to windmill kick Amy in the throat and ignore the “cool” girls, because you’re the coolest one of all!

  19. kathy says:

    You are adorable! I’ve never been to one of those “expo’s” for that very reason. My inner “Amy” usually speaks louder than the confident me. Love your blog. keep it up! ~K.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] from You Are Talking Too Much, Gina from The Shabby Creek Cottage, Jader Bomb from JADER BOMB, Marian aka Miss Mustard Seed, and [...]

Speak Your Mind

*