A Horse’s Bath. Hold Me.

When I was 18 years old I met a young and “hip” couple.

There was a huge, local, seafood restaurant that most of us had been waiting tables at every summer throughout our teens and even into later years.

That summer, a newly married couple joined our little team of regulars. They were teachers who waited tables in the summer and we all loved them to death.

They were so sweet and funny and I thought at eighteen, that I so wanted to be like them when I was older. They had to be in their early twenties looking back but at that time they seemed so much older.

 

One summer night they asked a friend and I if we wanted to join them after work for a party they were having.

We felt so cool to be asked and jumped at the offer.

We all rushed after work to get showered and changed and meet back up.

My friend and I arrived at their apartment as others from our group were arriving and the young wife answered the door rushed and half ready.

She hurriedly asked if we would help get chips and games out and whispered…

“We were so rushed after work I only had time for a horse’s shower.”

I giggled and whispered back, loving that we were being asked to help, “We would LOVE to help! Ummmm, what is a horse’s shower?

A funny little smile came across her face and she looked at me like a cute little sister.

Smiling, she said it slower and in a more whispered tone…..“A horse-es shower????? You know…where you only have time to wash quickly and you jump in and out of the shower.”

I wanted her to think I was cool and super grown-up and I replied back in our “best-friend-sister-party together-whisper” ,

Oh! A horse-es shower!  Yeah, that’s all I had time for too.” She laughed and went back to finish getting ready and I went on to open bags of chips and act like a pretend grown up.

We had a fun night and I found myself throughout that summer and even later, emulating some of the things I had seen them do.

But one extra special thing I “picked up” from them, was that any time I had to rush to get ready or any time that I had to jump in and out of the bath or shower and meet up with friends…….

I would tell EVERYONE in a rushed voice that I only had time for a “horse’s shower“. It didn’t even have to be a shower….it could be a hurried bath. A “horse’s bath”. Shared in a rushed and hurried voice………

Because I was cool like that.

And if they asked me what a “horse’s shower OR bath” was….

Silly un-cool people…….

I would look at them with the same, endearing and funny smile that the young, hip and cool, married-girl had given me and I would say it slower……

“You know…a horse-es shower? Where you only have time to jump in and out of the shower”.

And then I would proceed on with my “coolness”.

I have carried that phrase with me for twenty-four years.

TWENTY.FOUR.YEARS.


A few years ago my brother brought home this beautiful, retired Dixie Stampede horse and I have to say that I have wondered about that term a bit.

It really didn’t make sense?

My brother never bathed his horse that way?

Just washing him quickly? Quick showers? I have wondered about the accuracy of this phrase…….

But rather than heed that little voice that was questioning the accuracy of this phrase, I proceeded to educate the world with the  term “horse’s shower” and “horse’s bath”.

I used it with ladies from my church group…. nieces and nephews….my kids…..friends and co-workers…..

You.Name.It.

Until two days ago.

When my little.baby.girl ,who is much wiser at this age and has found a little “coolness” on her own educated me.

It was this little coolness coach that “taught me the error of my ways”.

Two days ago…..twenty-four years of saying “horse’s shower” AND “horse’s bath” ended.

Abruptly.

And in a nightmare-ish way.

Many of you already may have caught onto what I did NOT know for TWENTY-FOUR YEARS.

But for those of you who haven’t……here is the text between my daughter and I (excuse the typos, I am a hideous texter)

Why would I share that???

Number one reason…..

I.AM.HUMILIATED.

I.DO.NOT.TALK.LIKE.THAT.

This gave my “cool” phrase “horse’s shower”AND “horse’s bath” a WHOLE NEW MEANING!!!!!!

First reaction? Pack up my house, put it on the market and move to Costa Rica.

BUT….I knew I had to face it.

AND I knew many of you are just like me and may relate and even empathize.

I am hoping anyway…..

But number two reason I had to face this…..I have said this phrase before to MANY OF YOU!

I am praying that if I did….~gulp~

That you all knew I was a doofus and could understand that I was saying “HORSE”. I just thought it meant a quick shower or bath!

TWENTY-FOUR YEARS PEOPLE!!!!

So, please accept this post with my apologies!!!!

I.AM.A.DORK!

Moral of the story?

*Horses are not bathed that way.

AND

*We are never as cool as we think we are.

AND

*What in the world was a sweet, young married girl saying that phrase for anyway?

AND

*Didn’t one of my friends want to say…”That phrase doesn’t make sense?”

Also…just know….I have a sister who is special needs, so we do NOT going around calling everyone retarded.

We just tell them to take “horse’s showers or baths” which is much classier and appropriate.

AND

I do wash my hair and bathe. I just didn’t wash my hair that morning and thought I would share that for some reason.

AND

My daughter doesn’t text dirty words to me….except if she is trying to tell me that I am talking dirty and do not know it.

 

Have you done something,….. ANYthing like this in your life.

Maybe not for TWENTY-FOUR years but even once in your life?

ANYONE????

Can we all relate??????

Or…am I a lone doofus-head?

Hold me.

Love,

A Dork

PS. I’m linking up to:

www.atthepicketfence.com

http://www.stuff-and-nonsense.net/

http://www.impartinggrace.com/

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Comments

  1. Too funny! We’ve all been there. BTW the horse photos are stunning!

  2. This is just too, too funny. I cannot believe that in 24 years no one ever corrected you on that.

    But I’m sure they didn’t think you were saying the other thing. They were probably wondering what a horses shower was, too. You may have spawned a whole generation of people taking horses showers. Now, how cool would that be?

    BTW, we always called it a “wh***’s bath.” I think I may have learned it from my mama, of all people. Oops.

    • Rebecca says:

      Amy, after your comment I actually was brave enough to edit my post. I was afraid to put the “bath” part in there now that I know what it meant. I HAVE CALLED IT SHOWER AND BATH!!! Out loud and to anyone…..thank you for sharing!!! I’m hoping I just started the whole new phrase like you suggested. ; ) Love, Me

  3. You know when people just type LOL like every 5 minutes? I hate it. But I just LOL’d (?) really loud, and for quite a long time! I needed this today !!!! You are hilarious! I love it…from here on out, and I don’t care if it’s wrong or not…Horses shower it is!

    Jess

  4. What a beautiful horse!
    We can relate!
    You made my day.
    the.end!
    Dork Debbie

  5. Holly says:

    I am dying! So funny and SO something I would do!! In fact, I sat there the whole story without a CLUE where it was going. What a great story!

  6. Wende says:

    Absolutely HILARIOUS. Been there-Done that. The horse photos are stunning!

    • Rebecca says:

      Ummmmmm…..Wende, don’t you want to share? Just keep it between us here on the blog and all? That would make me feel so much better. ; ) Love, Me

  7. Laura says:

    I am with Holly… I was actually worried that I wasn’t giving my horses’ showers, quick or not! That is tooo too funny. Thanks for sharing. BTW I am not much of a horse person I just love and feed them. And pick up things. Showers are NOT involved.

  8. Oh my Lord! I’m so sorry Rebecca, and I’ve totally got your back if ANYONE tries to call you a horse! and I mean it!! I have a phrase I’m wondering about now…. and it involves a horse…
    When I was in 7th grade I heard this girl say “I’ve gotta pee like a Russian Race Horse”. I thought that was cool and have been saying it all my life since then. Wonder what that means? I’m afraid to google it. Hold me :)

    • Rebecca says:

      Kim, I am wondering about your phrase and don’t think it wise to google it either. ; ) Have you ever heard a horse “pee pee” by the way? I have…..sounds like a waterfall. That could be what it means. ; ) This post is getting pretty raunchy, isn’t it? LOL! Love, Me

  9. That was good stuff Rebecca. Good stuff!! LOL

  10. I LOVE it!!! Thanks for starting my day with a big smile and giggle : ) You are my kinda people to share what could be interpreted as humiliating, but what I find endearing.

  11. Shannon Fox says:

    You were just being proper inserting the “Horse” for other peoples sensibilities.
    See, you’re just classy like that ;)
    Naturally, and without even knowing it… you ooze class.

    HUGS! Shan

  12. imklvr says:

    You’ve made my day too! Hilarious! But, I too sat and read the whole thing waiting for the punch line. Didn’t get it till your daughter enlightened us all. NOW I get it. My mother-in-law would call it a PTA bath. Get it? The 3 thing that need washing? (hehe) I’m not gonna say it, either!

    Love ya!

    • Rebecca says:

      That is too funny! I shared this with my mom today, who doesn’t have internet. ~SHOCK~ ; ) My sister with “special needs” said out loud…..”OH YEAH!!! PTA!” We all about died of shock. I had to ask her what the letters stood for. I have no idea where she heard that….for real. : ) I guess WE ALL were getting educated today. LOL! Love, Me

  13. Nicole says:

    Oh my word, too funny.

    Yes, undoubtedly, we’ve all been there.

    I’m French-Canadian and every time I go to say the word “crutch” or “crutches”, I have to stop myself to make sure I pronounce it right…

  14. Jen Y says:

    I CANNOT laugh at you because I know how embarrassing this is! I learned very early not to repeat things you don’t totally understand. Thankfully my very young married husband topped me totally with a goof like this.

    We live & learn & some things it takes us longer to learn! :o )

  15. Selina says:

    Thanks for the much needed laugh!! I love when people tell funny and embarrassing things about themselves, it makes the rest of feel all normal! My MIL was the first I heard call it a whore bath and it was a little shocking coming from her.

    • Rebecca says:

      That phrase is shocking isn’t it??? I literally about died when I read that text and I KNEW she was right and I had been saying wrong all of these years…….I don’t know what I was thinking??? Too funny coming from your MIL. I would have died. LOL! Love, Me

  16. Anita MW says:

    I learned to call those quick in and out showers a ‘sailor’s shower’ – Get wet, turn off water to soap and shampoo up, turn water back on and quickly rinse off. So called because sailors had limited supplies of fresh water on their boats while a-sea. Sailors showers were also done while camping in RV’s with limited water supplies, or in hot desert climates where water is especially precious (like Mexican Missions I’ve been to.) Sailors get around, but keep efficiently clean whilst doing it.

  17. Cindy says:

    OMG!!! That was HILARIOUS!!!! And here in Florida, we call it a Pirate’s Bath! : )

  18. Ruth says:

    I’m clueless and never would have known you were using the wrong .
    A quick clean up was called a BIRD BATH with my kids.

    By the way I can almost feel the heat :) .

    Thanks for all the laughs!!

  19. Debbie says:

    I’m such a lame-o that I still have to ask my husband what things mean, and I’m old (51)! Thank goodness I had him around way-back-when when we’d be hanging out and one of his friends would say a crude phrase and laugh and assume I knew what in the world they were talking about (don’t think I can even type the innocent-sounding phrases). And I’m really not a prude, nor am I sweet and innocent! Thank goodness that your daughter finally corrected you! Thanks for the laugh <3

    • Rebecca says:

      I don’t feel like a “prude” either? I definitely miss many of the double meanings thought. Thanks for coming by! ; ) Love, Me

  20. As a fellow dork, I have to admit I didn’t get it at all–and I kept wondering (suburban girl, no horses nearby–about showering a horse. And those beautiful pictures of completely dry horses only made me wonder more. Your daughter’s text enlightened me, too. And it made me wonder how many such dorky things I’ve done when I even used to bother to try to be cool. I just am not cool. You, my dear friend are cool and funny. <3
    Janet

  21. Oh my gosh that was too funny! I didn’t even “click in” either!! Tee hee hee! You are a very good story teller too Rebecca, you had me waiting to see where your story was going to go! Beautiful photos as well, take care!

    • Rebecca says:

      You are so sweet Heather! Thank you for complimenting my story telling. I would love to refine and improve! Love, Me

  22. Molly says:

    So I just got around to reading this and I don’t think you should be embarrassed at all! I think you should be proud of the fact that for 24 years your heart and mind have remained pure enough to think in terms of horses instead of wh*res! I think it is commendable!

  23. Lorrie says:

    Well, may I join the “Dork Club”? I didn’t get it either! And I have heard of it! LOL … Guess I’m just slow today… But, a dork as well… here is my story.

    When I was a teen/pre-teen, probably between 11-13, I spent the night with my step-sister of the same age. As girls do, we stayed up late laughing, talking, giggling, etc. Well, she asked me the “big” question – “are you a virgin?” I very frankly answered, “No, I’m an Aquarius.”

    I don’t remember how old I was when I learned what either word actually meant!! I just remember my mother’s reaction after I told her what I had said.. And even still unto this this day, some 35 years later. I still shake my head in disbelief!!!

    I do hope not everyone in the world reads this! =o)

    Lorrie

    • Rebecca says:

      This made ma laugh out loud!!! When I was in the second grade I was in line at school. A strict Christian school by the way…..There was some whispering going around about a girl who was pregnant. My friend said to my teacher, “My mom would be sad if my sister was pregnant’. I responded proudly and strongly….not knowing where babies came from….”My mom would be so excited! She loves babies.” The innocence of youth. You were a proud Aquarius and I was a defender of all single mothers. ; ) We would have been great friends! Love, Me

  24. Cathy says:

    We always said we only had time for a wh***’ shower and when someone asked what it was we said,
    ” It’s when your so rushed, you only have time to squirt some perfume in the air and run through it”….lol

  25. Paula says:

    Sweet Fancy Moses, I’m DYING over this!!!

    One of my very best friends uses this phrase (correctly!) all the time and I never knew what it meant, but just went along with it. Add to the fact, she has a very strong NY/Bronx accent so it does sound like horse bath and that’s what I always thought she was saying. One day, I said something about a horse bath and she looked at me like I had two heads. Suffice it to say, we both laughed until we almost peed . :)

    Add me to those who LOVE the horse photos!!

  26. Joani says:

    I laughed and laughed. Thanks for making my day. That is hilarious. Love the photo of the palomino horse. He’s gorgeous. Hugs.

  27. JKaye says:

    Hi. First time to read your blog. You did a great job of presenting this story with the horse photos, because I never did catch on to where it was heading until you made the revelation. I have never heard that term wh### shower, so, as I read the story I was just trying to come up with something that had to do with cowboys or veterinarians or someone else who had something to do with horses!

    • Rebecca says:

      I love when people were as clueless as I was! Please make sure it is not your LAST time to stop by! Tons of more posts that you would enjoy! Subscribe to email and hang out with me on Facebook! I would love to get to know you! Love, Me

  28. debbiedoos says:

    I knew I needed more time to come back and read this story. A very funny one indeed. I think it is totally cool that this young couple even made such an impression on you…at least a cute and cool one. YOU are tooooooooo funny, and cute. I wonder what half some of these sayings really mean half the time.

  29. This is hilarious!! So something I would do.

    I remember at the age of 16 or 17, asking what a word meant. A very inappropriate word at the dinner table at my boyfriends(now husband) parents house. Everyone at the table bust out laughing and my boyfriend whispered, “I will explain later. ” Thankfully his sister who was the same age was equally clueless.

  30. Rebecca says:

    Hahaha! I loved reading your story! I’d never heard of a whore’s shower before. I kept wondering why someone would call a horse’s shower quick, it always took me ages to get my mare clean. Then again, she was gray and had a pasture filled with red clay to roll in. :P

    My story didn’t last nearly so long, but when I was in late elementary school (maybe 4th grade?), I didn’t know what curse words were. Truly, I wasn’t /that/ sheltered, but my parents never ever cursed around us (still never have), so I just didn’t have any exposure to them. So when my Girl Scout troop was playing one day, I didn’t hesitate to start sounding out words written on playground equipment. Yeah… the troop leader had to take me aside and tell me why the other little girls were staring at me like I’d suddenly contracted leprosy. Learned a lot of new words that day. >.<

    He's cute, by the way!

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